It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
