We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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