I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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