I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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