I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
