Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
