i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
