did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Woke up backwards on a recliner
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
