Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You can't motorboat a personality
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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