dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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