You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I wish I could teleport
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
