You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Only a mothe r could love this liver
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
