After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We just shotgunned beers for America
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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