He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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