Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
