So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
