hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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