Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
