He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
