i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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