I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
