I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
