I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Randomize
