He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
