Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
