I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
