Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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