You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
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