i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
