Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
