you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
this boner is exhausting
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Is Oprah even human
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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