The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
