i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
