can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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