I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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