You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Randomize