I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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