I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
