i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
