I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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