Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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