paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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