shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
