First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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