just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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