I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I want her autograph on my taint
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize