they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
