the condom got lost in my hair
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
