we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
