Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
