As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
