I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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