So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
