its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
