just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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