Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize