the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Damn victory sex feels great
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
