I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
