I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
