I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
