the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
