so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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