omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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