I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
