I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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