He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
