if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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