Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
