I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
