Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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