what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
