im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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